literature

Setting Sail

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Literature Text



Deer Troy,
Plese du nut leaf. I wi—

--

I caught her writing me the note
in crayon.

poorly planned,
as she forgot to leave my room
before she started.

she looked at my face
--haggard—
with her wide hazel eyes
and gave me a hug
that would change
everything.

her small hands clutched
at my life, an anchor
to this world; at that

my plans crumbled like
buildings
on apocalypse day

and I knew, no, I knew,
that from this harbor
i would not leave.
i would not leave.
(never.)
until she let
me
go.
wrote it for the #BleedingHeartsPoetry "Heroes" contest.

you don't know what act of kindness can change someone's world.

full title is: (Never) Setting Sail
fkn dA and its parenthesis...

edit: !@#!$!!!!!#$!%(^*@*%@#($)%AWKEFJ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!~<3
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Comments23
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cairnthecrow's avatar
I like this a lot--it's an interesting angle to start with, and very touching; I get the image of a father planning to divorce / separate from her mother, though I'm not sure if that's what you intended. I do feel like you sometimes hammered the point home a bit too obviously--"the hug that would change everything" is overstating it, IMO, given that we see him change his mind completely at the end. Don't give everything away in vague lines like "everything"! --or at least, that's my own opinion. :) Again, it's a really enjoyable read, and I liked it a lot...it could just use a tiny bit more tweaking!