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Poetry, Prose, Stories by electricelephant

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Submitted on
December 20, 2010
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Look.
I'll tell it like it was.

black.
cold.
wretched.

Static clung to the air
like ornaments on a Christmas tree
and we were graced with the odd arced lightning.

Oh, it was cold.
so cold.
I remember not seeing,
my fingers frozen off as
feeling receded from them
like waves on a beach.
how could I even be sure
they were.
still.
there?

the forgotten memory of a sunset
lay imprinted on my brain,
and its absence made the night
emptier than ever.

we waited.

we waited for the moon to rise,
for the clouds to shift,
for the e-lec-tri-ci-ty to stop
(like lost travelers stumbling
in the desert waiting for an
oasis mirage to shatter their
re-a-li-ty)

we waited, questioning our existence,
questioning this formation of
carbonnitrogengalaxy,
questioning the light that remained
unseen.
(like questioning "how in the world did
I lose that!" and it turns out you hadn't—
you'd been waving it, flailing it, even,
(incredulously) in your hand)

we waited.
and one year later,
one eternity later,
one immeasurable,
indefinable,
moment later
we lie transfixed
as we
heartsofsteel,
heartastefeel
the bang that starts it all.

And then we are nothing more than
blasted bits
     &
forsaken fossils
of ignorant bliss.
Imagine. Before our universe, before our time, living beings -- like us, perhaps. Obliterated, but for their ghosts, unable to do anything but watch. Watch our universe begin.

--
Wrote it starting out with a phrase I had stuck in my head...evolved with the theme "beginnings" in mind and then eventually grew into my entry for #theWrittenRevolution "One Year Later" contest.

feedback: does it seem contradictory? is it understandable? too abstract? do you suggest i add/cut some stuff?
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-07-13
Phantoms Of Another Universe by ~Iceotter effectively employs different poetic devices to create a final product that is haunting and strangely resonant, the suggester praises. ( Suggested by LadyofGaerdon and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconiceotter:
Iceotter Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :) haha this is a tad late
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    No problem :happybounce:
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow. I love the way you shift through different forms throughout - and especially the
"heartsofsteel / heartastefeel" lines. That section was brilliant.
Reply
:iconiceotter:
Iceotter Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh gosh, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome!!
Reply
:iconwingdiamond:
WingDiamond Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
:sing: Gotta Have a Heart Of Steel!
[link]
Reply
:iconiceotter:
Iceotter Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
excellent choice in song! :)
Reply
:iconwingdiamond:
WingDiamond Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
Thank You!
Reply
:icondead6emo66:
Dead6Emo66 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
Congrats and interesting :3
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